It is HARD

You know I adore my kids, but it is so HARD! I keep thinking that one day it will be easier...my mom said so! But dammit it isn't getting any easier and in fact, it has been getting harder with each passing day. Keara has so many issues. Padraig has so many issues. Kai doesn't but anyone with a 4 year old boy will tell you that they are one of a kind without issues. Keara is seeing a counselor and Drig has his school but it isn't cutting the surface. ARGH You know I realize that I am not perfect and I know that there are parenting styles that may be better but I am doing the best I can. I think it has been a creative journey so far. I just wonder if I can keep up this pace of ingenious ideas for the next 15 years. GAWD I don't know. By the time they are out of the house, I fear I will be nothing! I devote so much of my time, mind, and heart to these *special* needs that there isn't really me in there anymore. I KNOW that is unhealthy but who else will do it for these kids. No one else has volunteered to guide them through their fears and routines. Jay does try. So it is me. I refuse to give up. They NEED me to advocate for them and I will. It is just so hard!