Sunday, January 22, 2006


I don't have anything to say. I just don't have a life. Well that's not entirely true, Keara has been giving us trouble again. She is having trouble sleeping in her room and that has been so FUN. Kai is just Kai. Drig is increasingly getting harder and harder. He is so sad to watch some times. When I see other kids just chatting BREAKS my heart. Then there is the issue of his behavior. UGH he can't transition and it drives me nuts. I know I am supposed to be patient and understand but I just want to say "GET OVER IT". Then in turn I feel horrible for feeling that way. Lovely thought process isn't it? And of course the ever changing feelings about my marriage. I don't trust Jay anymore and because of that, I can't enjoy myself with him. Doesn't make much sense. I just always *know* there is something going on behind my back. Of course maybe there isn't but I have given the benefit of doubt for YEARS. I really thought it might be over and then he does something else. Plus, I don't need that much to go off now. You know, my resistance is down. SO....that is my world and the people that surround me daily. Oh and my head is numb. It started like this before and I guess I need to get back to the cardiologist because last time I was passing out everyday when it got bad. I haven't yet but been close. I just can't go back on those meds. I was soooooo depressed. I cannot get that way again. I mean right now my life is not the greatest but I know it will get better yk? If I went back on the meds, I just think I wouldn't cope well. You know it is so boring being me...

Monday, January 02, 2006

Girls Rock

I love having a girl. And even more than that I love that she is a girly girl. Keara got a make a purse kit for Christmas and we had such fun with it. She is going on a date for Valentine's Day with her daddy. They are going to a hotel ball room for dinner, dancing, and fun. So, we made the purse to go with her beautiful red velvet and taffeta dress she got from her Nan. It turned out fabulous. She is going to be the "belle of the ball".

And I thought I was ok?!?

Keara says: "Mommy even though some people don't think so, I think you are very pretty!"

Jay and I just kinda stood there. I mean come on, what am I gonna say to that? I want to know who thinks I'm ugly??? Damnit, tell me! I couldn't help but laugh, Keara really thought she was being extra nice. My sweet girl!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

No Resolutions 4 Me

I was going to come here and declare my resolutions, thus having them held to accountability...well shit NO. I started to say I was bound and determined in this the year of 2006, to lose all my extra pounds, manage my money better and be a terrific mother, wife, friend, daughter, person....but that is just plain shit! I have no intention of upholding any of those things so why lie and say I do. First, I already have an excuse about exercise and diet, I injured my knee last evening, I CAN'T exercise (hell I don't even get to enjoy my favorite position with Jay ;), why the hell would I exercise when I can't do that?)...dieting is pointless without the exercise, right? My money isn't gonna get magically bigger in my wallet, so why would I be better managing it? I mean come on, it's still gonna be nonexistent. As for being a better person, IF YOU DON'T LIKE ME, THEN DON'T TALK TO ME! I am not changing, besides the whole thing about being an old dog, I just have no desire. So there ya have resolutions from me!