Rough weekend

So, people tell you that time heals the pain. It isn't so! I still have a deep ache in my heart and it doesn't fade. I still can feel that raw, extraordinary sorrow and time has not made it any easier. I think the loss of a child is just not natural and the heartache will always be there. So my weekend was just what I expect. It was rough.

Keara is taking some back steps lately. She has become obsessed with going to the bathroom. UGH She has decided that her brain controls her and she cannot ignore the feeling of having to pee. I have tried every approach out there. So we are calling the Dr. today to try and figure out what to do next. It just sux because I know it is *real* to her but we cannot keep doing the bedtime thing. Then I have to use the *special* meds to control it and of course, this morning was bad. She has a blister and that just compounds the problem. You know, if I had all the money in the world, the very first thing I would pay for would be a para-pro for Keara. I just don't have the money and as of yet, the school issue is not solved. Poor Kai, he tries to just ignore it but I know it's affecting him. He is getting more and more disruptive at home for attention. It is almost impossible to explain to him that we are not trying to be unfair to him and that Keara requires the rewards, attention etc. He is just too young to understand. Hell, I might be too old to understand. UGH Then I have to talk Drig out of his obsession of either being first to bed or third...don't even get me started. OCD sux. I wish that I was more patient and could say I understand their need to have things just so, but I just don't. I am not like that and I just try to do what I need to do to help. But with Keara, I am never right. I am evil and unwilling to do what she needs. I just wish I could be the mom she needs instead of the one she really despises. UGH.

So, I am venting and of course questioning. This really sux!