ME

I don't have anything to say. I just don't have a life. Well that's not entirely true, Keara has been giving us trouble again. She is having trouble sleeping in her room and that has been so FUN. Kai is just Kai. Drig is increasingly getting harder and harder. He is so sad to watch some times. When I see other kids just chatting away...it BREAKS my heart. Then there is the issue of his behavior. UGH he can't transition and it drives me nuts. I know I am supposed to be patient and understand but I just want to say "GET OVER IT". Then in turn I feel horrible for feeling that way. Lovely thought process isn't it? And of course the ever changing feelings about my marriage. I don't trust Jay anymore and because of that, I can't enjoy myself with him. Doesn't make much sense. I just always *know* there is something going on behind my back. Of course maybe there isn't but I have given the benefit of doubt for YEARS. I really thought it might be over and then he does something else. Plus, I don't need that much to go off now. You know, my resistance is down. SO....that is my world and the people that surround me daily. Oh and my head is numb. It started like this before and I guess I need to get back to the cardiologist because last time I was passing out everyday when it got bad. I haven't yet but been close. I just can't go back on those meds. I was soooooo depressed. I cannot get that way again. I mean right now my life is not the greatest but I know it will get better yk? If I went back on the meds, I just think I wouldn't cope well. You know it is so boring being me...