Must be my turn to cry

You know those damn days where everything and I mean EVERYTHING makes you weepy? UGH I really hate them. Today I am just really sad. I know that this is my time of year to be sad...and every year it comes I *think* it will be better this time. But you know what, IT WILL NEVER BE OKAY THAT MY SON DIED. I can't make that better. So like every other year, I will just have to be sad. I think I get more sad lately because I can't just go sit at his grave. (I know *he isn't there* but it does feel good to go there...can't explain it really) Killian was the most beautiful baby, I remember how perfect he was. I just don't know why he had to die and why I had to go through that. I have been told over and over that I was blessed with three wonderful children...don't lose sight of that, don't dwell on the past...and I don't think I do. But Killian DID matter and will NEVER be forgotten. I'm not going to pretend that he doesn't matter, he ALWAYS will. So I will cry this month more than usual and I will go on. I love you Killian Joseph!