Is it possible for your heart to truly break? Does it change you or do you just fade off into oblivion? I am starting to think that if you have enough heartache, you cannot overcome it. I think sometimes what and who I could/should be...the answers are so much bigger than what I am today. I am really a shell of what I was. I am defeated in grief...and then not. I am not making much sense. I just wonder if I can ever get over certain losses? I don't think I can and that just really terrifies me. I miss, so much, my Killian and Mimi. I cannot even put into words how absolutely lonely it feels without them. I miss being some one's greatest, some one's angel, some one's most and everything. I don't like lies and I don't like secrets and I have both. I don't like missing people and I don't like being sad. I wish I wasn't and don't think I will ever get over it. In April it will be ten long years.

more later