Blah, blah, blah

So, we started school already. Fun stuff. Well I should actually back up to the end of our summer. I get a call on Monday that my dr. would like to do my surgery (laparoscopic oophorectomy and hydrothermal ablation) the next day. I hemmed and hawed but my LOVELY hubby said I was doing it. I was not happy. So we quick called MIL to come help as Jay had to come to the hospital with me. She really saved us! Anyway, it went fine and I am cancer free so that's what is important. Anyhoo that was the week before school started. Needless to say I have been really sore doing all the prep work and such.

Keara is doing great so far in the 3rd grade. She has a veteran teacher and that has been really nice for me. She is going to a new Psychiatrist and we like him (yes amazing...it's a boy) a lot better than the last. Again, a new medicine, hope this one works. Don't know though since it's only been a couple of weeks. She is WAY into HSM2 and Hannah, but it's funny to hear her talk of it, she thinks it's real! I can just see her trying to go into the class and break out in song! LOL Oh and she has joined the chorus. She is going to love it. She has the best voice. I am really excited for her!

more to come....

Mine

Keara's look-alikes

Drig's look-alikes

Kai's look-alikes

Jay's celebrity look-alikes

Boys

Worst Blogger Ever

So I am the worst blogger EVER! I really just don't have the energy to type because I type like a freaking idiot.....imagine talking like this "h o w a r e y o u?" That is how I type and I hate it. O there is my excuse.

Keara is in an Autism Clinic this month and doing really well. There is another little girl in it with her that is like her twin. So great for Keara. We are now on her third medication and again not seeing the effects. The first one caused a rash, the second just did nothing (well maybe even caused aggression) and now the third is doing nothing. It really is the wrong type anyway, as they are trying to calm her with ADHD meds and she doesn't have ADHD. GAH! But we will try another and this time we are going to be adamant about it being for anxiety! She is back to not wanting to go outside, and quite frankly that is unacceptable. She got a new bed and is very excited abut painting it and applying the wallpaper border we got her. Princess and pink of course. She has been watching a lot of shows on raising lions, tigers and other big cats. She adores these shows, as well as, Bindi the Jungle Girl!

Kai is the same ole rowdy boy! He is trying to read and can do tons of math problems. He also seems to have the patience to try and learn the guitar from his daddy. He will actually hold it right, the other two just will not! We got a pool and the kids are really enjoying it. Keara is our fish, under water so much that she actually got swimmers ear and an inner ear infection. So now we have to put drops in after every swim. Kai doesn't like to dunk but is swimming a lot on top of the water with floaties. Drig is just cautiously approaching the whole thing. Although he has dunked a couple of times, on accident, he was fine with it. Drig has become Mr. Personality. He is so animated and soon you can see it for yourself, we are finally getting our cord to put our movies on the computer. His speech is so much better. We are thrilled with the progress and he has another year of his Special PreK. It will do wonders I know. Keara will be getting speech next year too. She gets quite angry when we discuss her R's.

A Drig funny,

We were driving down the road and saw a truck with the Jr. #8 logo. Drig was so excited he yelled out "A Jr. fan!" We said yes it is. He then said "WOW Jr. has two fans!" It was the sweetest thing ever!

I will try to get back more often, (I write as if someone actually reads this LOL) but you know PROMISES PROMISES!

We have the official diagnoses....

We knew this to be true a long time ago but have been waiting for the official word....Keara is autistic, specifically Aspergers. Like I said, I knew when I dove head first about a year ago into the research but getting the official word is going to get us the help we need, finally. The school people went in with a different agenda, which we expected. The evaluator said it would be interesting to meet Keara after hearing two opposite versions of the girl. There was some similarities, probably with the OCD and Anxiety...after all the school was so kind to point this out to us LOL. I mean HELLO, DUH! Pretty obvious that those two disorders are there. She also has a host of other comorbid disorders like Dysgraphia, sensory issues, and possibly ADHD. But the evaluator gave us a clearer picture. She explained that the Aspergers is like a big box and the other disorders are all inside the box. If we can treat the whole box, some of the issues inside will also benefit and minimized. This is not to say she won't have to have meds and other therapies as well but it will help tons. She is now qualified for the IEP. That alone will give us the leverage and opportunity we need. Right away she should receive OT and Speech/Language therapies. We should have been getting those already but the school still felt that it was us, the incompetent parents fault and had her on a behavior plan. I will digress because I DO know what it is like to deal with Keara on a daily basis and it is not easy. The school has made some good choices for her and have tried. They just didn't have the whole picture. So now we can start fresh.

I can tell you that I have cried myself to sleep over Keara but it doesn't do anyone any good. I have mourned the loss of what could be. I hope that I am moving in a clearer direction, one toward making the best Keara possible. I think we can do it now!

Is it possible for your heart to truly break? Does it change you or do you just fade off into oblivion? I am starting to think that if you have enough heartache, you cannot overcome it. I think sometimes what and who I could/should be...the answers are so much bigger than what I am today. I am really a shell of what I was. I am defeated in grief...and then not. I am not making much sense. I just wonder if I can ever get over certain losses? I don't think I can and that just really terrifies me. I miss, so much, my Killian and Mimi. I cannot even put into words how absolutely lonely it feels without them. I miss being some one's greatest, some one's angel, some one's most and everything. I don't like lies and I don't like secrets and I have both. I don't like missing people and I don't like being sad. I wish I wasn't and don't think I will ever get over it. In April it will be ten long years.

more later

Good Friends

WOW...

I have some GREAT friends. One of my friends, Laura, sent me a gift. It was unexpected and so very welcome! I had a good cry because I just really needed something like that. She sent a gift for my kids too! How sweet is that? The kids were absolutely thrilled. Drig said "the mailman gave me a gift!" I said "no honey, that was Ms. Laura." He then said "Ms. Waura is me best fend!" It was so cute. He was so happy to have his very own Moonsand. Keara was equally thrilled with her own drawing book and Kai loved the Moonsand too. Keara said "mama, she doesn't even know me." I told her that Ms. Laura knows a lot about her and is very special. I feel so blessed to have her in my life. She is such an inspiration and has always been so helpful in her advice to me.

So thank you again Laura! Love ya!

Idiots Rule Update

I am the CHAMPION!

After posting the second best record next to Jay, I entered the playoffs. The first round was a nail biter but in the championship round I won by 75 points. And I BEAT Jay!!!

So I am shamelessly walking around asking, "who's the best? who is the master of fantasy league? who is the CHAMPION?" The answer is of course ME! A girl beat all the boys!!!

Trial Run

We are evil...

Today is the eve of school returning so we woke the kids at 6 and had a trial run. Keara is starting to get into one of her anxious frame of mind states and I am worried about tomorrow. I will report that everything was really smooth this morning. The kids and I were out the door by 7:10. We went to Walmart which also was pleasant. I was shocked. So, cross your fingers for tomorrow. The other part I'm worried about is we will be in court from 10-12ish and cannot be reached. Hope they won't need us!

My heart aches

A terrible tragedy occurred on New Year's eve. A family of four died when their private airplane crashed into a neighborhood. A father, mother and two sons, but they also have a daughter and she is left to mourn. They just endured the death of their grandfather and their grandmother and this girl are left to carry this now too. I am just so sad for them. My BIL is close with the family and is really torn up over this. My sister helped the grandfather die with dignity (she was his hospice nurse) and became close with them as well. I just don't have the words for their loss. It is just not fair or right!

drawings

Christmas

I really do not have the Christmas spirit. Actually I don't have the commercialized Christmas spirit. I am so sick of hearing what everyone is buying and getting. I LOVE to give presents (don't get me wrong) I just don't love how it's become more and more and more. I think if you can get meaningful presents, then go for it but if you are just giving to give *things* then why bother. I know a big part of it is we are broke and it SUX. I am so sad about not doing a thing for the kids. My mom and dad are playing Santa this year because honestly we just can't buy anything. I have found some little things at the Thrift Store but not anything they asked for. Thank goodness my kids are more excited about going to see Nan and Poppi and don't really know the difference. All the same, it still makes me sad.
I am sick and that makes me even more grumpy. I waited until today (even though I got the prescription order a week ago Mon.) to get it because it was $20 and I don't know that we can get the food we need if I get the antibiotic. But I know that I am headed for pneumonia and I just can't do that again. I am coughing day and night and the darn thing just sux. They gave me Avelox because I just had a Z-Pak a month ago. It is some strong stuff. I can only take it at night.
I feel like a baby because so many are worse than us and I shouldn't complain but it is pretty hard. I have been drawing like crazy and I just pray that everyone will enjoy them. This is the first year in like 15 that I can't do Christmas cards and frankly that makes me cry. I LOVE sending them. I love designing them and I am really depressed that I can't do them. I am going to do an email one but it isn't the same! I also cannot do the pictures I normally do...but I swear I am going to earn the money some how and do those, it's a history of my kids' lives and I cannot stop that!

OK enough bitching...gotta go get a cough drop AGAIN!!!

Christmas drawings

Obviously not done with this but for Jay's grandparents...


For my mom...not done LOL

I did this one for Keara's therapist...


Did this for my grandma...
from this picture...

More to come....

Life

*must begin with a note that I am writing this for ME*

I haven't been writing and I have pretty good excuses for that. To begin this saga...

Keara- Let's see what can I say about my dear sweet girl. Well, she has been SICK. It has been awful for her. We started Mon. morning with diarrhea that was uncontrollable. Tues. she began to vomit (or should I say throwing up because I am not allowed to say vomit in front of Keara). She could not hold any water down. She continued to throw up all day Wed. as well. By Thurs. she was holding her water but also in a lot of pain in her lower abdomen. We took her to the Dr. because we feared an Appendix problem. They think it's gonna be OK but she has now spiked a 102 fever. Friday she is feeling better in the tummy area but her ear hurts and she still has no appetite and isn't drinking well. She returns to the Dr. and sure enough, has an ear infection. We spent about 2 hours trying to get some liquids in her because at this point she is looking REALLY bad. She finally takes some in and off to bed. Today we felt she was doing a bit better but she comes to me at noon or so and says, "mommy what are these bumps on my ankles?" She has hives. UGH Tonight she has eyes that are SO bloodshot it looks painful. My poor baby girl. She has remained on the couch since Monday am. This is so sad to watch because Keara does not rest unless she is going to bed at night! OK the really bad part of her being sick (besides how awful she feels), we were supposed to get her state evaluation on Thurs. We have waited since the beginning of the school year for this because it is through the school and FREE. UGH So now we have to reschedule. Keara has done pretty good at school lately. We still have the occasional problem or teacher that has yet to encounter Keara at her "finest" LOL. We have decided that Girl Scouts is not for her. She has not had any fun and that's just stupid to make her go. All and all she is doing GREAT and I just love her dearly.

Kai continues to thrive at school. He is really trying to read now. I love love love his teacher. She is the neatest lady. The kids all know me now and that makes the volunteering so much better. He can still drive me nuts with his attitude and lack of listening skills but all and all he is good. I love his humor and the fact that I can actually joke around with him. LOVE my boy.

Drig is doing well too. They are treating his coughing as asthma. UGH But since we started the inhaler and pill, he is not coughing. SO it must be working. It sux but then if it works who the hell cares. His Dr. is 2.5 hours away. THAT SUX! He has had a burst of words lately and that is so awesome. He has also discovered stalling and asking "Why". LOVELY. Oh the best news...the boy uses the POTTY now all the time, he even stays dry at night!! WHOOHOO! Love my driggy boy.

I have been saving the best for last...harhar. OK go back a little bit and imagine this with me. I am looking for shoes for my daughter to wear to school because her sandals were not going to cut it in winter. I pay for the ones I find (only 12.99 at Land's End total bargain). Later that day, I get this strange phone call. The guy at Land's calls to tell me that my card did not go through. OK??? I call Jay and say, "please place this order with a card that will work, and why isn't the other working?" He replies "We will talk about it when I get home." Again OK??? So later we have this conversation where I discover that we are fucked. To make a really long and sad story short...he calls to find out about debt management and we don't have enough money for it. So he tells me the only way out is bankruptcy. So we are now in bankruptcy. Scanning back over bills and shit that I have not seen until now because Jay had hidden everything from me and basically I had to ask for any money I needed, but looking it over Jay just stopped paying some bills and forgot others. So we had to fork over the lawyers fees and filing fees and pay our normal shit and the one that was missed and our insurance that happens to be due for the next six months and it is Christmas...I cry everyday, what the hell am I going to do about Santa? GAWD I love Jay but I really don't know if I can take anymore. Everyday some more BAD news get thrown at me and I just can't handle it. And this morning as I am tallying the money, I realize that food might not be an option. Kidding but really I guess I will go to the food bank and beg. Add to this that I don't have tampons or even toilet paper and I am starting to worry. I may have to get rid of the Internet and cable, hurts Jay and kids really but what can ya do?

So I thought it would help to write it but it hasn't. OH well. And I cut 9 inches off my hair last night....so long for now!

Go home Florida

WAR EAGLE !!!!

2nd, K and PreK