Crafting He!!

So this weekend has been crafting from hell weekend! The kids needed to do their V-day cards and of course they didn't have HM ones (or they sold out the places I looked). Anyhoo, Keara wanted them, so being the overly obsessive, have to please kinda mother that I am, she was gonna get the damn HM cards! It was a little more involved than I had hoped but the good news is they are DONE! (Top)

The boys did theirs and Kai also made a box for collecting them at school. But my crafting did not end there. Keara also has this big project to do. It's about Thomas Edison. They had a bunch of written work but then they had to dress a mannequin too. So we did that today as well. Up above...(had to move it to the top so you could see it bigger)

But that is not the end to my craftiness...oh no I must continue because I am also still to get done

• a plaque that I have already painted but need to do stenciling and then add the picture I may or may not decoupage or just clear coat



• party favors for my parent's anniversary party next weekend



• picture boards for party



• pictures in frames for party



• slide show that I somehow said "oh yeah, totally not a big deal, I'll do it"



• rice crispy (and I do not know how to spell that) cards for V-day

And somehow during all that, I need to pack and OH YEAH...STOP FEELING LIKE A BUS RAN OVER ME! I think I may have the freaking flu in the midst of all this!! So that is my vent post for the day!!

Do we have to?

I am so sick of parties in the classrooms. UGH Every occasion from Chinese New Year to V Day to Ground Hog Day, there is a damn party. I don't mind every once in a while but why EVERY frickin' one? It is too much. There is my rant for today. Maybe I should do that, have a daily rant! What do ya think??

Bedtimes

UGH, My kids go to bed at 7. Yes I know that is early, but they have to get up at 6. They NEVER get up easily, there is always the whines "I want to stay in bed, I'm tired, why do I have to get up?" So I keep it at 7, at least until they can show me they are ready for a later time. Keara might move up but not the boys yet. Anyway, Keara came home really mad at me the other day. She says "Mrs. ____ said that an appropriate time frame for 3rd graders to go to bed is between 8 and 9:30. Mama, you are wrong and I am not doing what is appropriate for my age!" UMMM, That really pisses me off! I KNOW my kids and I do not think it is APPROPRIATE to tell kids at school when a bedtime should be. I know she was probably trying to reach those kids that stay up to all hours but the one she affected was mine! I really wish they wouldn't do shit like that. This isn't the first time they have done it either. So now I am thinking about saying something to them because I just don't agree. Of course me being me, I probably won't say a word. But I have had to undo all the damage ALL weekend. This morning, I was fortunate to have Keara do as she always does, not want to get up, and I said "see that is with going to bed at 7, can you imagine if it was later?" She actually agreed finally!

We are no longer accepting members

OK so last night I decided, we are no longer accepting members into OCD club. I was/am sick so my mood was far from happy. You see the routine that we must go through every evening is excessive. Keara has to have the comforter under her, covers pulled to a certain height, lights just so, water, pillows aligned and stuffed toys in their proper place. (I'm sure there is more cause she keeps adding to the routine.) I have put my foot down on more than one occasion which leads to a 20-30 minute meltdown, which in turn leads to Jay melting down and then I cry! I know I am a baby. Anyhow, I have a limit and last night they reached it. Normally I am the peacekeeper, last night I was the dictator. So first before bedtime, they needed to clean up the playroom, it was a disaster. I asked and warned. They were just being shits. So, I started erasing TV shows (tivo). I erased all but like three. They were so unhappy, but guess what happened? They cleaned the friggin room. When bedtime rolled around, they had become shits again, as is the case almost every night. (oh and I have to go off on that subject next...bedtime) Anyway, Kai decided that he needed to be like Keara. Ok this has been coming on for awhile but I just haven't bothered to fight it, I should have but sometimes I just cant kwim? Last night I decided to just blow. UGH I hate it when I do that. I said to everyone "ok from now on there are no routines, no lined up stuffed animals, no checking lights, no cover drama and no fussing about it. I live with a bunch of freaking zealots, and I am going loony!" The kids just kinda looked at me. I think I did get the point across at least to Kai (he reminded me this morning "hey mom don't forget to fix it so my comforter goes on top not under me!" ) Keara just kinda said "I guess I can do change, like that time when...." And that is when my mind went off to another place because Keara tells stories from when she was 2 like they were yesterday. After I fixed the kids, I went into the kitchen and I touched the counter. I rubbed it with my unsanitary, totally germ filled hands and told Jay to "Get OVER it!" He stood behind me with a bleach bottle and towel! It didn't work for him, he still put EVERY GD piece of pepperoni on the pizza in a pattern, x amount of centimeters apart. Oh well, I can't save everyone! But I will keep Kai from becoming one of the members!

Superbowl

OK so I am not a Giants fan but HELL YEAH! I so do not like the Patriots. I have been waiting for their first loss ALL damn year! It was one of the best Superbowls that I can remember. I was drugged for half the game but you know I actually think that made it better. LOL I wasn't super impressed with the commercials. I did like the Bud Light fire one and the E-Trade baby. The rest could come or go. I think there should definitely be a rule about those commercials though. I think they should mandate funny. I mean WTF with some of them?? Plus for those of us that are not so, um er, smart, they should use common references, not obsolete ones. I had to ask Jay like 5 times, UH WHAT??? Of course he knew! That shit! Anyway, pretty enjoyable game though. I was impressed and I actually kinda liked Eli yesterday, SHHH do not tell! I am SAD that football is over. BOOHOO!

My ALLTIME FAVORITE commercial

The Milestones

Last night Keara and I saw the Hannah Montana Movie. I was concerned because Keara has never been able to handle movies. They usually are too loud, too crowded, to warm, too something. Keara has needed to leave in the middle of movies and we have just not made seeing them a priority. She is often scared even watching shows like The Backyardigans. So this was also a test of sorts. She has wanted to go to a concert now for quite some time but because I am not willing to leave in the middle of a concert (I know I'm mean) she needs to be able to handle it. And for those of you that do not know what handle means, let me try to explain. (Although to truly understand you would need to witness this first hand. Trust me until you do, it is unreal. Her teachers that have not seen it, say things like "I cannot imagine" or "she is just so sweet". Those that have seen it, say things like "Oh yeah, she definitely LOST it" or " I wouldn't have believed it, if I hadn't seen it." I just laugh because well I LIVE it daily. ) Handle simply means to control her worst impulses at least while we are in the moment. This could be anger, like a chair being thrown across a room, or it could be the shrill that can deafen you, or it could be the urge to *grind* as in certain private areas, or it could mean hiding under a table. There are many possibilities but none are appealing. Anywhoosen, back to last night. I watched her watch the movie, because it was like watching her take her first steps or eat ice cream for the first time. She was dancing and singing and her little tic was on overdrive (again, something you have to witness first hand...she has a spazzy little tic with her hands that is truly engaging to watch.) She was NOT bothered by the noise, or the crowds or the other two dozen sensory issues that normally make her batty. She just enjoyed the show. Again, to some this doesn't seem like much but for me it is so awesome. A couple of months back we had a Family Fun Night. Keara has never done well with these. This one was for the Kindy and PreK. So as you can imagine the activities are geared for them. Well we bought the kids each 10 tickets (went a really long way). You could go on rides or get food or play games. Keara decided to go in the air jump room thingy (no idea what they are called). She has NEVER been able to last the entire time in there...not only did she last but she enjoyed it. I was the mom on the side CRYING! You see, if you have never, in 9 years, seen your little girl do something fun without worry and just being a kid, you cannot understand how wonderful it feels. Last night was another one of those moments. I just don't get them very often and it is so great. She is hitting some milestones...now if they would come more often! But I will cherish every little bit I can.

Let it Snow!

Padraig doing his version of My Heart Will Go On

Kai singing the Anthem

Keara singing Silent Night

Colors in our yard!

KIDDOS

117 math problems!

I guess I can tell you 1 problem. 99-27=72 is the 116Th problem (lot of work) . Kai kept bothering me! + I got a solo! 100 % satisfaction!

Keara

So I am a lonely golfpro's wife

I've heard of women saying they are a golf widow. I am indeed, a golfpro's widow! This is the weekend from he!! for us. Jay has the dreaded Couple's Classic. OK not really dreaded as it brings a lot of play their way but still, for me it's dreaded. I have the LONG weekend to boot. Keara started her Ritalin today and it has been fascinating. She worked o math problems (117 total) for several hours this morning. And this was just for FUN. Jay says "She is definitely your daughter!" LOL Kai is some kind of Pterodactyl. And Drig was yelling at me for routing against UNC. (They were playing State, what can I say!) Last night we thought we would try pushing the beds together and making one giant bed. UGH DID NOT WORK!!!! It was awful. I made some brownies this morning for Jay to take as a pick-me-up at work. Hope those boys enjoy them! The Auburn game is giving me a bellyache! I MUST...GO...WATCH! be back later.........

Keara

So Keara is having trouble again. UGH! We tried to get a hold of her Dr. but the man has gone AWOL. I am so pissed about it. He is so getting reported by us! So, we have to go back to the Dr. in BHam. I just hate having that drive. UGH UGH UGH!

Good news...Keara tried out in chorus for a solo in the Christmas Program and out of 39 she was selected! She is such an awesome singer. I know I am her mom but really the kid has talent. I am really gonna push hard for voice lessons soon.

UMM, my life is quite boring, can't think of anything else to write right now. TWIDDLE DEE!

Keara singing

Keara singing the national anthem. She is 9 today and got a microphone for her birthday. She did this very quickly last night to *test* the microphone out. She has some kind of talent! *And this is a quick take...the microphone in the video is an old one (just wanted to share her voice so we quickly put it into a 'video'. I will try and get a 'real' video soon!)

It's that time again!

So we are not moving

We traveled to Huntsville on Thurs. We were physically in the car for 12 hours. Needless to say, the kids did well, considering. When it was all said and done, we decided NOT to move. Jay was really hopeful for a upward climb but it just wasn't enough to leave. We LOVE it here. You would be hard pressed to find many school districts in the nation that are as good as ours. We have terrific teachers, and the kids are so happy here. Regardless, we were going to try it somewhere else but we just had too many cons. We found a house that would have been perfect but I didn't get a good vibe from the street it was on. The school was closed for fall break?? We did walk around but again, I am so spoiled here. The secretary was not my Mrs. M. I wanted to like everything, I wanted to be the supportive wife, but I just got really depressed and quite scared trying. In the end, Jay made the decision because I didn't want that kind of burden. I don't have a job so I can't really tell him what to do in his. I wanted what was best for the kids and him. I knew, though, that I could get the kids on board by really pumping up the bonuses to them. So I would have done that but Jay felt, as I did, and we are not going. Thank goodness!

Cotton SPEAKS

Keara went on a field trip yesterday. She got to pick cotton and see a real old working farm. So, she is telling us all about the things she did and Jay hears about the cotton picking and says "Have you ever listened to cotton?" At this point I spit my food out in total hysterics. You have to understand that Jay is WEIRD. And I really mean that, not just you know that passing remark about someone's behavior, this is just Jay. He was DEAD serious about the cotton. So, at the dinner table I had him leading my children in listening for the squeaky cotton. He then decided it must only be the processed cotton because the fresh picked kind didn't speak to him. WHAT? Seriously demented.

*Little side note that this is not the first inanimate object to speak to my husband. He has had the fries that chirp as well!

Oh and I called my mom to find out if I was the one that is weird. She confirmed that I am indeed normal but in the process we found that my dad is not. My mom was explaining the theory to him and asked if he ever listened to cotton. My dad said no but "I understand that if you go in a corn field and listen carefully, the corn will moan." WHAT? Now I guess I understand only one thing....my mom and I are CRAZY, we married LOONS!

Keara's other story

The Michigan Tornado
By Keara

On May 26, 1998, in Michigan, storm clouds started to form. The storm started in the middle of the night. The next day the cloud started to drop a funnel. A tornado warning was let off to warn people. Soon, the funnel touched the ground! People fled to safe places. Some people went to closets, some went to their bathtubs, and some went to their basements. Thousands of sticks flew through the air. Rocks went flying and smashing windows. Hailstones were the size of tennis balls. Some people were so scared of the hailstones that they just went to the middle of the room. That wasn’t a really good choice. The storm was soon over. One hundred fifty-six people were killed and five were children. Nine hundred eighty-nine people were injured and ten were children. (Less children were killed and injured because the hiding places were too small for adults.) The kids were still scared even though the storm was over. Parents told their children it was safe. They came out of their hiding places because they trusted their parents. They saw that trees were lifted out of the ground and roofs were ripped off houses. There was a lot of damage. They hope it never happens again!

Keara's story

Started: Sunday, November 19,2006
Ended: Saturday, September 15, 2007

Tanna’s life
BY KEARA

"Polly Ann is driving me crazy! She’s been bossing me around everyday, almost," Tanna said to her mother. Finally, it was summer break. Tanna was going to her cousin’s house. Her cousin’s name is Ty Lou. She lives with Aunt Tery. Tanna was very excited because she could not wait to get to Ty Lou’s house. Every time she went there, they would get chocolate milkshakes. When they got there, Tanna rushed inside. There were chocolate milkshakes waiting for them already. Tanna went up to Ty Lou’s room and knocked on the door. When Ty Lou opened the door, she was surprised and hugged Tanna tight. Tanna asked, "Do you want to go drink the milkshakes?" Ty Lou said, "Sure!" Tanna and Ty Lou rushed downstairs. They drank their milkshakes pretty fast. Tanna asked Aunt Tery, "Can we go outside and play?" Aunt Tery said, "Yes." Tanna and Ty Lou ran outside. They filled up the pools and they jumped in. Just then, Aunt Tery came out. She said "Get out of the pool, you will get your clothes wet." They got out of the pool & into their bathing suits. They ran back outside and jumped into the pools again. They splashed and swam. They had big pools. They were lake size. They kept swimming until 2:10. Tanna said, "At 2:10 we need to get inside because it is going to storm." The storm started coming in at 2:10. Tanna and Ty Lou ran inside as quick as they could. They quickly ran to Ty Lou’s room and got dressed. Then Tanna said, "Maybe we should play dolls." "Great idea!" said Ty Lou. Aunt Tery ran in & took them to the window to let them see that there was hail. They said "AH!" and ran out of the room. They got into a place with no windows and hid in a closet because they knew that sometimes tornadoes come after hail. Tanna’s mother came in after that. She said, "It’s over." The girls came out of the closet and hugged their moms. They said, "I thought there was going to be a twister." The mothers said, "No, there was no twister." The girls felt relieved. They went back to Ty Lou’s room and started playing dolls again. When they were done, they had dinner. Tanna said, "I don’t want to go to bed." Tanna’s mother said, "You have to go to bed Tanna." After that, it was time to brush their teeth. Then Tanna went home. When it was time for bed, Tanna got out her mattress and covers. She laid down. Her mother kissed her good night and said "I love you, and have sweet dreams." Tanna couldn’t sleep that night, she was very scared. She called for her mother " I’m really scared of the strange noises around here." Her mother came in, explained what all the strange noises were, & she said, "Go back to sleep." When Tanna went to sleep, the next morning came in a flash. She woke up her mother and said "Wake up, wake up, it’s time to go back to Ty Lou’s house and have fun." Her mother woke up, got dressed, got Tanna dressed and finally went back to Ty Lou’s house. Ty Lou was happy to see them. Just then, a severe storm hit! The girls were scared! They screamed! Suddenly, it was over. Everyone was happy. Hurricane Molly was in the gulf & Tanna’s family did not know about it! Ty Lou was worried but did not want to tell about it. It was going hit in three days! Ty Lou knew that Tanna & her aunt would get hurt if they did not know about it! They could even die! She could not decide if she should tell or not. Tanna came in the room. "What are you thinking about?" asked Tanna. "Nothing" answered Ty Lou. Tanna turned and headed out of the room. "Whew" Ty Lou said. Tanna slept over that night & in the morning, they watched the weather. Now Tanna’s family knew about the hurricane. When Molly hit, they were all safe!
THE END!

COURTESY OF DRIG

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PADRAIG=N=

JENNIFER

KEARA

KAI

JASON

Kai is truly so funny

Kai came home yesterday with a certificate for being the Club Cary winner last week. We were telling him how proud we were (as this is for being such a great student), and Kai was CLUELESS. The poor child had the award affixed upon his desk for an entire week and never realized that HE was the winner. BAAHHHHAAA. He is so funny. If he were a girl we would truly say he was just a little ditsy. What do you call it when it's a boy? LOL

UHOH Big decision

My head is spinning. Do we stay or do we go? We are trying to decide whether we should move. UGH I HATE moving. There are so many pros and yet some cons too. I know where Jay's heart is and that just adds to the burden. This isn't just about him or me for that matter, this is about ALL of us. I have to really consider the kids as they are in really good programs right now with their schooling. Keara is doing so awesome, I would hate for that to go backward. But then again, maybe this would be just what she needs, doing well with a fresh start. Plus it's like a sign or something when I actually know someone that has family in the school we are looking to move to. So we will fight the urge to make any decisions until we visit tomorrow. The kids will come too and they will no doubt give their ever so honest opinions. Like I said the ole noggin is doing the loop-d-loops ~:

Stay or go?

So my question today is "how much is just too much?" At what point does a mother, father, sibling say enough is enough? I don't know because I haven't been faced with addiction but in terms of just plain ole enough is enough, I guess I do know my threshold. My philosophy on the whole blood is thicker than water is pretty simple actually. I believe if someone is good to me, if they treat me with the respect and kindness I deserve, whether they are "blood" or not, I will continue that relationship. If, however, someone doesn't show me these simple gestures, they will bring me down and they are out. I really don't think just because you were born unto someone, that they can treat you poorly and expect a relationship with you. In my case it was a very easy answer. I didn't have to think very hard about removing this person from my life. It was easy. Do I ever mourn that loss? NO. I am fortunate that I have someone in my life that WANTS to be there. He cares, TRULY. If addiction is the reason for the treatment, though, I wonder if that makes it different. I don't know. I want to believe it does bear some weight but again, that isn't my situation. I wish for the sake of many, it were easy. I wish I could shed some wisdom of light to the people affected. I wish I could shake some sense into the one causing the pain. Because even when someone is DONE, in this circumstance, I don't know that it will EVER be done. It is just heartbreaking and unfair!

Misc. NOTHINGS

So Jay interviewed AGAIN. We are not even 1% hopeful LOL. But he did anyway, to stay politically correct, ya know? Keara came home with 3 certificates 100% on Science Chapter Test, 2 100% on timed math tests and 100% on EVERY spelling test this year. She is so smart. And then there is Kai. I said that wrong, he is really smart too, but he does have his DUH moments. He blanks out or just doesn't listen and then there is a 0 on a paper. He is so funny about it, like "don't worry mom, it's just one 0!" So I reply "okay dude if that's ALL it is!" Drig has two teachers that are volunteering to keep him for any weekend I might want to get away. I tried to explain that I would really love that but I have a little problem er 2 that might not be so fine home alone. And ya know I am rolling in all the cash I have. BAAHHHAAA. Jackie is coming today. It should be nice, haven't talked for awhile. More later....Keara is stealing the computer!

Magic Pill

We have been praying for a magic pill to appear and help Keara. We found it! I am so beyond excited right now. Keara started on Prozac a couple of weeks ago and I really think it is just what she needed. I was so AGAINST it at first but finally after 5 different tries, we decided we had to try it. OMG it has been AMAZING! Last night we went to Family Fun Night at Drig's school. Keara is usually a mess during and after these type events. But last night she was so pleasant. She went in the big blow-up bouncy thing and was FINE! If you don't understand a child like Keara this seems like no big deal but for Keara it was HUGE. She has never been able to do these things without a. melting down and b. having to get out early. Last night not only did she stay the entire time, she ENJOYED it. Then she went on the big blow-up slide. She is usually afraid of heights but again she LOVED it. I was that sappy mom crying as I watched Keara really be a kid and have fun. I can still tear up just remembering. It was FANTASTIC. I have waited a long time to watch my little girl have a good time doing stuff kids do and last night for the very first time I got to see it. I cannot express how happy I am!

So she told me...

Me: "Why are they teaching you things that I didn't learn?"

Keara : "Because it is modern day math!"

ALRIGHTY THEN!

You know you are in the south...

When...

The sign at the Aquarium says "No fishing poles allowed!"

Ya think? DUH


I found this to be absolutely hysterical.

At long last an update...

Keara: She is doing so awesome. I am a little scared to even post this because I might jinx it LOL. We finally broke down and went with Prozac. So NOT what I wanted to do. But we did try five different meds before this and none did it. The last one had her moods pretty good but we couldn't go up with the dose because she literally threw chairs across the room the week we tried. We are just so wanting the anxiety to be less. We had to try this and so far I am so happy we did. It is amazing, Keara, my sweet little girl is here...EVERYDAY, ALL DAY! Seriously, if you understand what we have gone through with her, this is truly the greatest miracle we could hope for. So far her fears have diminished as well. YEAH! She is still doing fabulous in school. She got her progress report and it was 97%, 97%, 98% and 98%. She was disappointed that she didn't get 100%. We tried to explain that it was ALL her grades averaged and these were FANTASTIC scores, but she said she was going to try even harder. LOL Her chorus is going great. Man my kid has a beautiful voice. She is so good. We're just happy she found her niche.

Kai: He is doing well in 1st grade. He lost both of his bottom teeth and it's adorable. He has developed yet another crush. It really is sweet. He is officially reading now too. At first I was a little concerned because he was just memorizing the books, but the last couple of days he has been really reading. He is so proud of himself.

Drig: My little squirt is really smart. I am a little stunned because up until recently, it was really hard to understand him. His speech is getting so much better now. And along with that we are finding that he is quite smart. (we knew he was smart but just not how smart kwim?) Anyway, the other day Keara asked him how many syllables words have in them and he would clap out the word and tell her. He did it totally on his own too. It was crazy. He is nonstop football, basketball and golf. OMG, he acts out the entire thing, even does replays for ya, like the games do. It is pretty funny. I cannot believe my baby will be five in a month! UGH! Where has it gone?

Jay: He is my changed man! I guess everything that we went through was worth it because he is so much better now, of course I do have the control of the money. LOL But we are just having fun again. LOVE IT! He is really supportive of my health issues too. LOVE HIM!

Me: UMMM, I am willing to do anything to have my teeth fixed. And the rest of the damn body as well. It really is quite annoying but I am just not going to think about it right now. I just have to ignore the pain and hope it will GO AWAY! Ok self talk done, I'm good!

*This is a bad football year, how bout two loses for my Tigers and I am 0-3 in fantasy. Yeah, I suck!

The slurred post...

Ya know when yuou type something about five times and it still looks wrong. Yeah, that's about it. So I finally had some company tonight...that's my excuse for drinkking. Bahha. I know I am wasted. I really didn't want to waste it though, lest here I am. Dude I cannot see the letters. I am erasing everything I write. LOL So we had Will here. Gotta love him. He is such a great guy. Totally doesn't get annoyeds with my kids which if yoou know them, says a lot! I am so trashed...wish I had a reason to do something obnoxious...just donlt ya know. UGH Jay is nodding off over there on the couch, making some strange noises LOL. I cannot tell you how funny it seems right now but I'm sure that tomorrow it will be NOT funny! BAHAHHHA. And I am watching ALabama LOSE! YEAH! I really don't like them. Think I'm gonna have a brownie...sounds good doesn't it? I made these great homemade ones with marshmellows on top....ummmm! Anyway, I'm drunk and shouldn't be here so, see YA!

OMG Drig is the SWEETEST...mostly

Imagine that

Imagine that,

Keara sent an email to her teacher without my knowing ...

Kai was falling from the tree before I could utter the words "be careful"

Keara is going to save the world by becoming a singing meteorologist.

Drig is going to kill his mommy by becoming a motorcycle cop...

Kai will just be Kai

I have another cold and the passing out spells have returned

I actually got through one sentence of this without Drig whining...

I will come back to this blog more than one time a year

OH Who Knows but Imagine that!

Talking to MYSELF

I am about to be insane. That is laughable, if only I hadn't joined those ranks YEARS ago. So, Fridays are my days that SUCK. I should not say that but I CAN NOT HELP MYSELF. Drig is home ALL FREAKING DAY! And it sucks. There sign me up for the worst mom award, hands down I WIN! He whines like a freaking 2 year old and I really think I will be losing my hair one strand at a time today. It will be a S L O W tortuous death to my hair. My eyebrows might even fall. I am SERIOUS. We have since 7:30, already played golf, basketball, football and tried to watch Cars. Now the boy is bored again and is walking around saying "Mama is about to be pissed!" Where he gets such language is beyond me! UGH. I tell you, er myself since I think I write to my own imagination, TODAY WILL SUCK! That's about that!

Blah, blah, blah

So, we started school already. Fun stuff. Well I should actually back up to the end of our summer. I get a call on Monday that my dr. would like to do my surgery (laparoscopic oophorectomy and hydrothermal ablation) the next day. I hemmed and hawed but my LOVELY hubby said I was doing it. I was not happy. So we quick called MIL to come help as Jay had to come to the hospital with me. She really saved us! Anyway, it went fine and I am cancer free so that's what is important. Anyhoo that was the week before school started. Needless to say I have been really sore doing all the prep work and such.

Keara is doing great so far in the 3rd grade. She has a veteran teacher and that has been really nice for me. She is going to a new Psychiatrist and we like him (yes amazing...it's a boy) a lot better than the last. Again, a new medicine, hope this one works. Don't know though since it's only been a couple of weeks. She is WAY into HSM2 and Hannah, but it's funny to hear her talk of it, she thinks it's real! I can just see her trying to go into the class and break out in song! LOL Oh and she has joined the chorus. She is going to love it. She has the best voice. I am really excited for her!

more to come....

Mine

Keara's look-alikes

Drig's look-alikes

Kai's look-alikes

Jay's celebrity look-alikes

Boys

Worst Blogger Ever

So I am the worst blogger EVER! I really just don't have the energy to type because I type like a freaking idiot.....imagine talking like this "h o w a r e y o u?" That is how I type and I hate it. O there is my excuse.

Keara is in an Autism Clinic this month and doing really well. There is another little girl in it with her that is like her twin. So great for Keara. We are now on her third medication and again not seeing the effects. The first one caused a rash, the second just did nothing (well maybe even caused aggression) and now the third is doing nothing. It really is the wrong type anyway, as they are trying to calm her with ADHD meds and she doesn't have ADHD. GAH! But we will try another and this time we are going to be adamant about it being for anxiety! She is back to not wanting to go outside, and quite frankly that is unacceptable. She got a new bed and is very excited abut painting it and applying the wallpaper border we got her. Princess and pink of course. She has been watching a lot of shows on raising lions, tigers and other big cats. She adores these shows, as well as, Bindi the Jungle Girl!

Kai is the same ole rowdy boy! He is trying to read and can do tons of math problems. He also seems to have the patience to try and learn the guitar from his daddy. He will actually hold it right, the other two just will not! We got a pool and the kids are really enjoying it. Keara is our fish, under water so much that she actually got swimmers ear and an inner ear infection. So now we have to put drops in after every swim. Kai doesn't like to dunk but is swimming a lot on top of the water with floaties. Drig is just cautiously approaching the whole thing. Although he has dunked a couple of times, on accident, he was fine with it. Drig has become Mr. Personality. He is so animated and soon you can see it for yourself, we are finally getting our cord to put our movies on the computer. His speech is so much better. We are thrilled with the progress and he has another year of his Special PreK. It will do wonders I know. Keara will be getting speech next year too. She gets quite angry when we discuss her R's.

A Drig funny,

We were driving down the road and saw a truck with the Jr. #8 logo. Drig was so excited he yelled out "A Jr. fan!" We said yes it is. He then said "WOW Jr. has two fans!" It was the sweetest thing ever!

I will try to get back more often, (I write as if someone actually reads this LOL) but you know PROMISES PROMISES!

We have the official diagnoses....

We knew this to be true a long time ago but have been waiting for the official word....Keara is autistic, specifically Aspergers. Like I said, I knew when I dove head first about a year ago into the research but getting the official word is going to get us the help we need, finally. The school people went in with a different agenda, which we expected. The evaluator said it would be interesting to meet Keara after hearing two opposite versions of the girl. There was some similarities, probably with the OCD and Anxiety...after all the school was so kind to point this out to us LOL. I mean HELLO, DUH! Pretty obvious that those two disorders are there. She also has a host of other comorbid disorders like Dysgraphia, sensory issues, and possibly ADHD. But the evaluator gave us a clearer picture. She explained that the Aspergers is like a big box and the other disorders are all inside the box. If we can treat the whole box, some of the issues inside will also benefit and minimized. This is not to say she won't have to have meds and other therapies as well but it will help tons. She is now qualified for the IEP. That alone will give us the leverage and opportunity we need. Right away she should receive OT and Speech/Language therapies. We should have been getting those already but the school still felt that it was us, the incompetent parents fault and had her on a behavior plan. I will digress because I DO know what it is like to deal with Keara on a daily basis and it is not easy. The school has made some good choices for her and have tried. They just didn't have the whole picture. So now we can start fresh.

I can tell you that I have cried myself to sleep over Keara but it doesn't do anyone any good. I have mourned the loss of what could be. I hope that I am moving in a clearer direction, one toward making the best Keara possible. I think we can do it now!

Is it possible for your heart to truly break? Does it change you or do you just fade off into oblivion? I am starting to think that if you have enough heartache, you cannot overcome it. I think sometimes what and who I could/should be...the answers are so much bigger than what I am today. I am really a shell of what I was. I am defeated in grief...and then not. I am not making much sense. I just wonder if I can ever get over certain losses? I don't think I can and that just really terrifies me. I miss, so much, my Killian and Mimi. I cannot even put into words how absolutely lonely it feels without them. I miss being some one's greatest, some one's angel, some one's most and everything. I don't like lies and I don't like secrets and I have both. I don't like missing people and I don't like being sad. I wish I wasn't and don't think I will ever get over it. In April it will be ten long years.

more later

Good Friends

WOW...

I have some GREAT friends. One of my friends, Laura, sent me a gift. It was unexpected and so very welcome! I had a good cry because I just really needed something like that. She sent a gift for my kids too! How sweet is that? The kids were absolutely thrilled. Drig said "the mailman gave me a gift!" I said "no honey, that was Ms. Laura." He then said "Ms. Waura is me best fend!" It was so cute. He was so happy to have his very own Moonsand. Keara was equally thrilled with her own drawing book and Kai loved the Moonsand too. Keara said "mama, she doesn't even know me." I told her that Ms. Laura knows a lot about her and is very special. I feel so blessed to have her in my life. She is such an inspiration and has always been so helpful in her advice to me.

So thank you again Laura! Love ya!

Idiots Rule Update

I am the CHAMPION!

After posting the second best record next to Jay, I entered the playoffs. The first round was a nail biter but in the championship round I won by 75 points. And I BEAT Jay!!!

So I am shamelessly walking around asking, "who's the best? who is the master of fantasy league? who is the CHAMPION?" The answer is of course ME! A girl beat all the boys!!!

Trial Run

We are evil...

Today is the eve of school returning so we woke the kids at 6 and had a trial run. Keara is starting to get into one of her anxious frame of mind states and I am worried about tomorrow. I will report that everything was really smooth this morning. The kids and I were out the door by 7:10. We went to Walmart which also was pleasant. I was shocked. So, cross your fingers for tomorrow. The other part I'm worried about is we will be in court from 10-12ish and cannot be reached. Hope they won't need us!

My heart aches

A terrible tragedy occurred on New Year's eve. A family of four died when their private airplane crashed into a neighborhood. A father, mother and two sons, but they also have a daughter and she is left to mourn. They just endured the death of their grandfather and their grandmother and this girl are left to carry this now too. I am just so sad for them. My BIL is close with the family and is really torn up over this. My sister helped the grandfather die with dignity (she was his hospice nurse) and became close with them as well. I just don't have the words for their loss. It is just not fair or right!

drawings

Christmas

I really do not have the Christmas spirit. Actually I don't have the commercialized Christmas spirit. I am so sick of hearing what everyone is buying and getting. I LOVE to give presents (don't get me wrong) I just don't love how it's become more and more and more. I think if you can get meaningful presents, then go for it but if you are just giving to give *things* then why bother. I know a big part of it is we are broke and it SUX. I am so sad about not doing a thing for the kids. My mom and dad are playing Santa this year because honestly we just can't buy anything. I have found some little things at the Thrift Store but not anything they asked for. Thank goodness my kids are more excited about going to see Nan and Poppi and don't really know the difference. All the same, it still makes me sad.
I am sick and that makes me even more grumpy. I waited until today (even though I got the prescription order a week ago Mon.) to get it because it was $20 and I don't know that we can get the food we need if I get the antibiotic. But I know that I am headed for pneumonia and I just can't do that again. I am coughing day and night and the darn thing just sux. They gave me Avelox because I just had a Z-Pak a month ago. It is some strong stuff. I can only take it at night.
I feel like a baby because so many are worse than us and I shouldn't complain but it is pretty hard. I have been drawing like crazy and I just pray that everyone will enjoy them. This is the first year in like 15 that I can't do Christmas cards and frankly that makes me cry. I LOVE sending them. I love designing them and I am really depressed that I can't do them. I am going to do an email one but it isn't the same! I also cannot do the pictures I normally do...but I swear I am going to earn the money some how and do those, it's a history of my kids' lives and I cannot stop that!

OK enough bitching...gotta go get a cough drop AGAIN!!!

Christmas drawings

Obviously not done with this but for Jay's grandparents...


For my mom...not done LOL

I did this one for Keara's therapist...


Did this for my grandma...
from this picture...

More to come....

Life

*must begin with a note that I am writing this for ME*

I haven't been writing and I have pretty good excuses for that. To begin this saga...

Keara- Let's see what can I say about my dear sweet girl. Well, she has been SICK. It has been awful for her. We started Mon. morning with diarrhea that was uncontrollable. Tues. she began to vomit (or should I say throwing up because I am not allowed to say vomit in front of Keara). She could not hold any water down. She continued to throw up all day Wed. as well. By Thurs. she was holding her water but also in a lot of pain in her lower abdomen. We took her to the Dr. because we feared an Appendix problem. They think it's gonna be OK but she has now spiked a 102 fever. Friday she is feeling better in the tummy area but her ear hurts and she still has no appetite and isn't drinking well. She returns to the Dr. and sure enough, has an ear infection. We spent about 2 hours trying to get some liquids in her because at this point she is looking REALLY bad. She finally takes some in and off to bed. Today we felt she was doing a bit better but she comes to me at noon or so and says, "mommy what are these bumps on my ankles?" She has hives. UGH Tonight she has eyes that are SO bloodshot it looks painful. My poor baby girl. She has remained on the couch since Monday am. This is so sad to watch because Keara does not rest unless she is going to bed at night! OK the really bad part of her being sick (besides how awful she feels), we were supposed to get her state evaluation on Thurs. We have waited since the beginning of the school year for this because it is through the school and FREE. UGH So now we have to reschedule. Keara has done pretty good at school lately. We still have the occasional problem or teacher that has yet to encounter Keara at her "finest" LOL. We have decided that Girl Scouts is not for her. She has not had any fun and that's just stupid to make her go. All and all she is doing GREAT and I just love her dearly.

Kai continues to thrive at school. He is really trying to read now. I love love love his teacher. She is the neatest lady. The kids all know me now and that makes the volunteering so much better. He can still drive me nuts with his attitude and lack of listening skills but all and all he is good. I love his humor and the fact that I can actually joke around with him. LOVE my boy.

Drig is doing well too. They are treating his coughing as asthma. UGH But since we started the inhaler and pill, he is not coughing. SO it must be working. It sux but then if it works who the hell cares. His Dr. is 2.5 hours away. THAT SUX! He has had a burst of words lately and that is so awesome. He has also discovered stalling and asking "Why". LOVELY. Oh the best news...the boy uses the POTTY now all the time, he even stays dry at night!! WHOOHOO! Love my driggy boy.

I have been saving the best for last...harhar. OK go back a little bit and imagine this with me. I am looking for shoes for my daughter to wear to school because her sandals were not going to cut it in winter. I pay for the ones I find (only 12.99 at Land's End total bargain). Later that day, I get this strange phone call. The guy at Land's calls to tell me that my card did not go through. OK??? I call Jay and say, "please place this order with a card that will work, and why isn't the other working?" He replies "We will talk about it when I get home." Again OK??? So later we have this conversation where I discover that we are fucked. To make a really long and sad story short...he calls to find out about debt management and we don't have enough money for it. So he tells me the only way out is bankruptcy. So we are now in bankruptcy. Scanning back over bills and shit that I have not seen until now because Jay had hidden everything from me and basically I had to ask for any money I needed, but looking it over Jay just stopped paying some bills and forgot others. So we had to fork over the lawyers fees and filing fees and pay our normal shit and the one that was missed and our insurance that happens to be due for the next six months and it is Christmas...I cry everyday, what the hell am I going to do about Santa? GAWD I love Jay but I really don't know if I can take anymore. Everyday some more BAD news get thrown at me and I just can't handle it. And this morning as I am tallying the money, I realize that food might not be an option. Kidding but really I guess I will go to the food bank and beg. Add to this that I don't have tampons or even toilet paper and I am starting to worry. I may have to get rid of the Internet and cable, hurts Jay and kids really but what can ya do?

So I thought it would help to write it but it hasn't. OH well. And I cut 9 inches off my hair last night....so long for now!

Go home Florida

WAR EAGLE !!!!

2nd, K and PreK

Idiots Rule

Since I am bored...and I like to use...

So, my husband convinced me to join his fantasy league through work. It started out with just an awesome draft, which led to now 4 weeks later, me with the best record. I have gotten into it. I am GOOD at this stuff. I have always loved NFL football anyway. Hell I love all football. Now this thing has grown, Jay doesn't care if anyone else beats him, he cares if I beat him. It is laughable really. I ask for his opinion and it's like playing poker with the best damn straight man around. He can BLUFF. He gave me BAD advice the first week and guess what? I lost. Since then, I ask but I have to translate his help and decipher the meaning. It is quite fun. Others in the league are not as happy that a girl has the best record and actually is trying to do it. I have the power to make GREAT trades because THEY.ARE.SCARED! MUHHHUAUUH. It is FUN!

Somber.Frickin.Day

SCRITCH...SCRATCH...FRICK...AND FRACK!!! DAMN AUBURN!


OK I feel a little better...NO NOT REALLY. And Tony, WTF is going on in my world? I am so damn depressed. Sports SUCK.

That's all for now.

OK So I have been busy...

I have been in utter chaos since the kids got out of school for the summer. It wasn't at all enjoyable. Keara has become intolerable most days and it is exhausting. So to get back into the real world, not just the humdum of Kearaland, I will blog again.

Keara is making progress in that we now can at least get her into the school without having to drag her in. She is still of the mindset that writing sux. Her teacher is still CLUELESS! We do have a plan in the works. I just hope I survive until it is resolved.

Kai is really doing awesome in school. He is making friends and learning. He is currently trying like the dickens to read. It is so cute watching his face light up with curiosity. I volunteer in his class at least once a week and his classmates all know me now, it's so nice.

Drig is still just plugging along. I swear the potty training is going to kill me. He will stand next to the damn toilet and pee in the floor. WTF? We have his IEP next week and might even try to switch him to a more aggressive school. He is still pretty much unintelligible (gotta spell check that one...really BAD). We have started breathing treatments with him, they think he has some wheezing issues. GAWD I hope it goes away quickly!

Jay is still Jay. What can I say? I love him dearly, just wish sometimes he wasn't such high needs.

Dad had back surgery and is doing well. My mom is going batty, staying home is not her strong suit LOL.

I am really getting FAT. And the thing I don't understand is that I am exercising more now and eating NOTHING. I can't even look in the mirror without feeling totally depressed. I don't really need to be thin per se just not rolling with lard. UGH

OH WELL....I will be back. (maybe even tonight, lol)

Friends

You know what I have decided....I don't have any friends. This is really my own doing because I am so consumed in my children but even when I try to put forth the effort, nothing! I should really know better than to try. I always think I can make friends with the people Jay works with because that is who I can meet. It never works. These people don't want to be friends with me and they get enough of Jay at work. I just can't seem to win. My kids are different and the moms all see that. They don't have to say anything to me, they just don't carry our relationships past the door of the school. My family lives far away and I can't drive to see them. I have become so isolated. I LOVE my kids but sometimes it would be nice to hang with adults. I guess I just have to succumb to the child in me and start enjoying the kid stuff. I was never for it even when I was a kid, so it's just hard. Such is life!

Sunscreen

We are the whitest folks around and sunscreen is a must. Keara has been asking to get the kind that you spray on without rubbing so we finally got some. It STINKS! Plus, Drig decided to try it out by himself this morning and sprayed it in his eye. UGH Trying to flush his eye was NOT fun. I called Jay and you know the hero he is, he rushed home. Then he proclaimed "it's not even red!" It was swollen and it turned a lovely blue tint, I think because of the blood rushing there. Of course this all happened before school, so Drig missed yet another day. Just so annoying.

This isn't really newsworthy, just sitting here bored!

Keara and Mama....

Keara wanted to help me so her answers will be in red and mine in black!!

I AM: 7 years old, a mom
I WANT: chocolate chips, a nap
I HATE: saying hate, hearing the word hate
I LOVE: chocolate ice cream in a waffle cone, my kids and Jay
I MISS: Nan-Nan, Poppi, Guinney and Papa, Killian, Aaron, Mimi, Papa,
I FEAR: Bees, being a bad mom
I HEAR: the boys playing and TV, no one fighting
I WONDER: if the Wonder Pets are real, how close Keara and Kai will be when they are older
I REGRET: screaming and yelling, anytime I have been upset with the kids
I AM NOT: good at writing, hungry
I DANCE: when my favorite songs are on like "Galaxy", whenever I hear a beat
I AM NOT ALWAYS: bossy, together
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: Linny with playdoh, a lot of food
I WRITE: hardly any, to make me feel better
I CONFUSE: my mama's family, myself
I NEED: all the chocolate in the world without nuts, money
I SHOULD: get all the chocolate in the world, be doing some kind of chore
I START: the game, projects
I FINISH: my food so I can get chocolate, projects

Dad

the note I wrote to my dad...

Dad,

I have a special present that I will be sending along (with mom’s help). In the meantime, I thought I would just tell you how much you mean to me…

You have now been my dad for more than half of my life. You weren’t around in my early years but hey, that means you don’t have to shoulder the blame for my character. You can claim that my formative years were not of your doing and only claim the good stuff that comes later. Haha. You were a man that came into my mom’s world and gave her back a smile that had been missing for years. You also touched me. I didn’t understand what a REAL father could be until you entered my life. And although I believed for much of my teen years that I was wiser than you, I have been educated by my own children that you were indeed MUCH smarter than I ever gave you credit for. You taught with a quiet voice and a loud ethic. You inspired me by doing everyday. You showed me an unconditional love that only a TRUE parent could show a child.

There really is no THANK YOU big enough or powerful enough to express my gratitude for what you have given me. We don’t spend hours on the phone or even see each other very often but I know that you are one person that will be there for me no matter what crisis of the moment is happening. You probably don’t even realize that I utter your name almost daily. I will say such things as "My dad would do this….or my dad would know…or I wonder what my dad would say?" I talk to Jay about experiences that only you could have given me. And now with the kids, I can draw on all those lessons and teach them. I hope that I can do justice to that wisdom and carry on what I feel is a legacy of the highest moral character there is. I hope that someday my children will appreciate it as much as I do.

So for today and everyday to come, I will be saying a quiet thank you for all that you have given me. I hope that you can hear it. I LOVE you.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY DAD!

Love you,
Jenni

Martyrdom

I don't want to be a martyr but I don't have any other options. If I had family close by then maybe I could take a break every now and again. If my moron husband knew anything about money I might be able to at least hire a sitter once a week for a break. But I can't! I know I need a break because I am so TIRED and it is increasingly hard to keep up the patience I need for Keara and Drig. I don't want to die without having anything for me but right now what choice do I have? I mean someone has to be the one that takes the time to help these kids. Someone must be their voice and someone has to walk them through each tantrum, meltdown, fear and transition. I guess it's me!

Last night Jay and I had to go outside and talk about how he needs to get involved. We have an extensive routine that needs to happen at bedtime. When it's just me, the kids go off to sleep with very little fanfare. When Jay is involved it is a mess. I usually let Jay do the teeth and then we meet up in the bedroom for their magic bowls, water cups, songs, story and finally sleep. Then I have to hold Drig and sing his song until he is off to sleep. Well, last night just like many others, Jay set Keara off in the bathroom before doing our routine. When Keara goes off, next is Drig and then Kai wants his attention as well. So, I am left trying to calm all of them. I was feeling really awful last night because I had a migraine and all the screaming just hurt. But I had to do all the calming. Keara needed about 30 minutes of me rubbing her down, talking in a soothing voice and singing. Then Kai asked for a song and some rubbing (for attention really). Then I finally got them off to slumber and I had to sing and rock Drig for another 30 minutes. So dinner didn't come til 9 and I needed to get to bed early but early turned into 10:30. Of course today, I am again tired and I feel a twinge of a headache. I will be losing the vision again today and it will suck again tonight. See the pattern? It just sux. Plus to top it off I called Jay a robot which was pretty mean, and I feel bad about that. Oh well!

So I don't want to be a martyr but that's just how it is!

New Doos

Well, I decided today that Kai needed a mohawk...well really a kiddy version, didn't want to give my MIL a heart attack. Drig got a new style too, but with a sorta Cali look...going back to the roots. LOVE IT! And they both FIT their hair.

Outside fun

Keara looking particularly sweet....

Drig with the bug on his shirt... Kai with it on his shirt...

Toilet Seat Hat???

Kai walks into the living room with a potty training seat around his neck. I kindly asked him to go put it away and told him it was yucky. So, next Drig walks in and he has the damn thing around his neck. I tell him the same thing and HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM! The seat is stuck around his neck as his head is too big to get it off. I tried to pry but he started to cry. I called Jay and asked his genius opinion on the matter. He says try the olive oil. I did and my boy just started sobbing hysterically. So I called Jay back and said "ummm now what??" He decided to come home and take care of it himself by cutting it off. But before leaving work he made sure to further ruin my reputation by telling EVERYONE that his boy got a toilet seat stuck around his neck. I am a BAD mommy! (I am proud to say that this time I refrained from the normal picture taking though!!) BOYS!!!!

And then there were 2

Man I am just so sad. I need to shake this and yet it is just so damn sad. I thought I was okay with having a special needs child. I am okay with it but not okay. That makes a ton of sense doesn't it? I have dealt with my feelings over Drig having special needs. I know he is getting the best I can give to him because we know what we are dealing with. This is the key. And yet it was also so damn hard to hear that he is special needs. I remember reeling from the words because you know you don't expect this from life. I remember once I got past the words and just started doing the program, it was easier. Well it looks like I am there again with Keara. She has been seeing a therapist for her bee fear and we have been trying to get evals for everything else. I have KNOWN for a number of years but not known that she has something going on. At first I tried everything I could think of to be creative. Then I had a lot and I mean a lot of people tell me that she was spoiled, coddled, and too protected and that was why she was the way she is. I am where I am now because of Drig. I have had to see things that I wasn't even aware that I was hesitant to see before. I have had to deal with a whole new set of parents, teachers, rules, and terminology that I hadn't come across before. Keara as it stands right now, upon the initial workup, most definitely has an Autism Spectrum Disorder. You know what, it breaks my heart wide open. She is the most compassionate little human that I have ever met. She CARES for the world. But she doesn't have friends and her world is just such a tough place to live for her. It has been so sad to see the fear and helplessness. And damn I feel so guilty for all of the times that I have punished her for acts that now looking back were not her doing. I know I didn't know but I did have a hunch and I just let other people tell me that I was not doing her any favors by taking it easy on her, so I started to come down on her. I tried to have her have some accountability but for some of that stuff that she has been doing since she was born practically, I wish I could have seen that it wasn't working to send her to time-out or yelling (yes I can yell with the best of em...hopefully not too often but damn if it isn't hard when I have them all pitching a fit at the same time). Anyway, I just feel bad now and wonder if I have permanently left damage there????

That's about all I can do right now, crying and carrying on will not help my children...but I promise I will be back again...hopefully with a better outlook!